So I took the 1mg of Lunesta as directed by the pdoc. 1 hour later and I am still awake. I take another one with the sames results. Finally about 2:30am I fell asleep. The alarm goes off at 5:30am, so I got a total of 3 hours. Tonight I will start with the 2 mg. Hopefully it will work like it should.
Yesterday at the appointment with the pdoc I got an interesting comment from her. I went over the sounds and visions I have been having at night. Sort of shadow people. When I seen them I am certain they mean to harm me or my wife. So I jump out of bed to attack them before they attack me. It is a good thing that my wife is a light sleeper. She usually is able to stop me before I hurt myself by crashing into a wall or a door. After she stops me the shadow people go away.This has been happening for the past 2 weeks. It happened last night as well. After I tell the pdoc this she looked at me and said "I don't think you are psychotic". I am not certain how to take that comment. Is it because they disappear? I am not sure. I think I will ask her next time I see her.
Today is Friday. It is my day of salvation. No more work, and a trip out to the camper. The camper is on a seasonal campsite. We get to go there every Friday thru Sunday from April 15th until October 15th. It is my sanctuary. A quiet place where there are very little demands on me. Just relaxing and eating. Typically I cook while we are there. I find a peace in it. Whether it is grilling or cooking in the camp dutch oven. all that it involves is a little prep work and then keeping an eye on it. Not hard, but it gives me a sense of satisfaction, something that is sorely lacking at work.
Tonight it will be burgers on the grill with a dutch oven apple cobbler for dessert. Tomorrow it is chicken and rice cooked in the dutch oven also. Dessert will be a chocolate cherry cobbler. A dutch oven is a cast iron pot. A camp dutch oven is a cast iron pot with three legs on it and a lid with a lip on it. They come in different sizes. I have an 8, a 10, and a 12 inch diameter dutch ovens. Cooking in them is just like cooking in an oven. You set the heat by the number of coals you use on the top and bottom of the oven. After everything is in the pot it only requires to be turned a quarter turn every 15 minutes. You turn it so that if there is a hot spot on the coals you end up spreading that heat through out the entire oven. That is all there is to it. It is something I picked up while I was an assistant scoutmaster with my son's scout troop. I am just glad that no one knew I have a mental illness, otherwise I would never have been a scoutmaster.
Speaking of people not knowing I have found that I can act like I am perfectly well. I don't know where I picked that up, but I suspect it is from the acting I have done. I have been an amateur actor since high school. I think it is a skill that has helped me with this illness. I am always on guard with this illness when I am around people who do not know that I am Bi Polar. This guardedness is a direct result of my experience telling people about it. I have found out that to find out who are truly your friends, just tell them you have a mental illness. The true ones will not flinch. The others head for the hills so fast that they break the sound barrier. It only took a couple experiences like that for me to keep my mental illness a secret. I hate having to do that. I can only hope that someday that will not be necessary.
More ramblings later.
No comments:
Post a Comment